


Duality

by sunlightonwater (TFA_finn_poe_shipper)



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Ghosts, Force-Sensitive Finn, Grey Jedi, M/M, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, darkish!Finn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-07-28 13:33:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7642636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TFA_finn_poe_shipper/pseuds/sunlightonwater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn, Rey, and their Jedi Master Luke Skywalker are in search of an ancient weapon that can change the tide in the war against the First Order. Before they find this weapon, Finn is chased by a ghost of his past. While injured and trapped on a unfamiliar planet, Finn and Kylo must work together to survive and decide whether they are stronger together or apart.</p><p>**Previously titled: Cacophony in the Light Melody of the Dark**</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ghost of the Past

**Author's Note:**

> **November 2016 update** The core of the first chapter is the same but I did change some things and fixed some mistakes. The biggest change is a new title. This was previously called "Cacophony in the Light Melody of the Dark", so hopefully I don't confuse people too much. Sorry for taking so long to update this thing.
> 
> This story takes place about 9 months after TFA.

Under the steady gaze of their Jedi Master, Finn and Rey worked the controls in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon. The trio is in search of a gauntlet rumored to absorb the Force from the area surrounding the wearer, and then releases it in a powerful arc. According to the scrolls in the first Jedi temple, Luke discovered the gauntlet was created by a powerful force user that had mastery over both the light and dark sides of the Force.

It took the force user nearly 10 years, but she constructed the gauntlet using multiple red, blue, and green kyber crystals and the wood from multiple force trees throughout the galaxy. The crystals and the wood were melted together and forged into the gauntlet using the Force as her guide. This gauntlet was created as a symbol of the Force’s true power and intention; however, it was stolen by a Sith lord who she trusted and later killed her.

In the hands of a Sith, its power destroyed an entire solar system and the Sith along with it. It created such a powerful shockwave that for once both the Jedi and Sith agreed that this weapon was too dangerous to be used again. Unfortunately, it can only be destroyed by a person who has the power to wield it. Someone who can control both the light and dark sides of the Force at the same time.

As this was a once in a millennia ability, the gauntlet was locked away on a long forgotten moon. From the scroll Luke learned the reason the Sith was destroyed was because he could only pull from the dark side. The gauntlet uses the dark side to attack and the light side to create a shield around the user.

Luke surmised that this was the reason Snoke was so intent on having Ben at his side, as he was a rare force user that could wield the gauntlet unscathed.

Although all force users can draw from either the light or dark side of the Force, it was nearly unheard of for someone to use both sides at once without destroying themselves in the process. It is such a rare thing that not even Luke and Leia Skywalker have the ability even though their father did. That didn’t stop force users in the past from trying to learn how to do it. Many that tried drove themselves into an everlasting paranoia. Their fear grew so intense that they viewed themselves as a threat to their own lives, and this usually resulted in their death. 

Since Snoke’s discovery of Ben Solo's abilities, it was discovered that there is another who can also control the full power of the gauntlet. It is because of this, and the Supreme Leader’s vision that Luke intended to find and destroy the gauntlet, that Kylo Ren was sent to find the map to his former master.

 As the Millennium Falcon jumped out of light speed, a large planet with a pink and purple atmosphere was visible on the Falcon’s screen. While Luke reviewed the plan to obtain and destroy the gauntlet with his apprentices, Finn found himself once again disagreeing with the wisdom of his master.

Finn is in favor of using the gauntlet to destroy the First Order and other threats to the Resistance for good. He does not understand the purpose of unending battles drawn out for decades. He would rather it all end quickly and decisively. Finn begins to shares these views to both Master Luke and Rey only to be interrupted by the Jedi Master.

“That sounds a lot like what Hux and the First Order did when they destroyed the Republic” Luke remarked. Finn was silent for a moment mulling it over. “It is the folly of the idealist to lose patience, and use their power to annihilate their enemies”.

“Then what the fuck are we doing then?!” Finn’s face felt hot and he was irritated.

He didn’t fail to notice how Rey jumped a bit in her seat but he continued on, “After all this time you still don’t know anything about me. Because if you did you wouldn’t think I was anything like him. Hux uses everyone around him for his own agenda, and he does not care about innocent lives at all. All I want is to end the war and bring peace to the galaxy, so I can’t see how that’s remotely similar to what he’s trying to do?!”

“It is because you lack patience young one”, Luke sighed and shook his head. “You wish for it to all end in one night. In some ways, we all do,” he glanced over at Rey who just looked back with a blank expression and shrugged a bit, “However anything done in haste does have a price, and that price will be innocent lives as well as an increase in dark side energy".

Luke paused to give Finn time to reflect his words. "Did you not say you wanted to find a way to aid the Stormtroopers who want to defect from the First Order?”

“Yes, of course I do". Finn knew he should show more respect to his master, but he was still accustomed to being able to speak freely. "I’m not saying we don’t come up with a plan that saves the most lives, but if you really look at the big picture, this conflict has been going on since before the Clone Wars. Decades upon decades of fighting and for what… to continue the same thing again 10 years from now? I just don’t see the point”.

Finn felt frustrated and tried to focus on his breath to calm himself down.

Luke looked thoughtfully at Finn, and it was easy for him to recognize Kylo’s teachings in his new apprentice. He thought about how Finn reminded him of how Ben was at this age. Full of hope for the future, and constantly searching for that one thing that will fix everything. Luke knows better though. He knows such a thing does not exist.

Luke’s mind wandered to the time when he followed Rey, Chewie, and R2 from Ahch-To back to the Resistance, and he was greeted by the presence of two powerful force users. One he recognized, and the other he had only recently felt through ripples in the Force.

Finn, he later learned, was the apprentice of his nephew Ben who was now known as Kylo Ren. During his time in the First Order, he was trained in the art of battle and the ways of the Force prior to his awakening. Although he could sense that the light side of the Force flowed through Finn like a gentle wave on a beach, he could also sense the dark side flashing through his body like lightning.

_ He is like us _ , Luke thought at the time, _like my sister and I with a powerful connection to either side the Force_. _No,_ Luke remembered frowning and correcting him thoughts, _the light and the dark together flow freely around and through him just like it did with my father, and how it does with Ben_. 

Finn is not a Skywalker, but his connection to the Force is no weaker because of it.

Luke was aware that Finn was a very attractive man, but if he had to guess it was his connection to the Force that made him so appealing to his nephew, and to Snoke. Luke was very hesitant to take Finn on as an apprentice after the disaster with his nephew, but Luke also realized that it was the only way to undo some of Kylo’s influence on the young man. 

It was a risk he had to take.

Luke brought his thoughts back to the present and he encouraged Rey and Finn to begin their descent to the planet below.

As Rey started the landing procedures they entered the atmosphere of Lan. This was a moon of the planet Lanza in the middle of the outer rim. As they started their descent, Finn started to feel a combination of unease and relief. His hand unknowingly rubbed on his chest right above his heart, as he tried to piece together what he was feeling right now.

Rey quickly glanced over at Finn and asked him “Is everything alright?”.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”

Rey sighed, Finn was as elusive as ever. She cared about Finn so much, but he always had this strange mix of being completely open and keeping his cards close to his chest. He was a mystery to her. If duality could ever be used to describe someone Finn would best fit the description. It made it difficult for her to get a solid read on him sometimes.

She knew she could trust Finn, and she also knew that he cared a lot about her, Poe, Luke, and the Resistance. But he did not like to burden others with his troubles, and she had a nagging feeling that part of his burden was the care he also felt for someone else. All the while, she would watch him suffer in silence hoping that one day he would share his troubles with her.

Looking out the corner of her eye Rey noticed Finn’s light touch over his heart had changed to him tightly grasping his chest, as if he was struggling to breathe. She couldn’t stay silent any longer.

Before she could get a word in, Luke lightly touched Finn’s shoulder and told him “It’s alright Finn. I feel him too”.

Still wanting to help her friend Rey asked, “Feel who?”

Neither of the men answered her question, but Finn did respond with a tremble in his voice “I’m endangering the mission. I shouldn’t have come”.

“No Finn. Not enough time has passed since you left, and the bond is too great for you to be left alone in case he finds you,” Luke paused and smiled at Finn fondly, “You are strong my apprentice, and with Rey and I beside you, you won’t be seduced by the dark side again”.

“Bond?! What b-? Forgive me… but who are you two talking about Master Luke?”

Luke’s face hardened and he continued to look at Finn who was staring back at him. In the back of his mind Finn could hear Luke voice say, _It is not my story to tell._

Just before Finn could make his decision, he shivered and felt his back muscles tighten when he felt a familiar pattern of pressure going from the top of his spine down to the middle of his back. He closed his eyes, and he was brought back to old memories to a time before he called himself Finn.

There he was, in a large bed with black sheets lying shirtless next to another man. This man was laying on his side and he gazed down at Finn through his long eye lashes. The man's long and wavy black hair framed his face as if he was hiding and he seemed a little hesitant. Finn's expression changed to a slight smile as he remembered that this was how he would let Finn know what he wanted during his shy moments.

Finn ran his hands through the other’s wavy strands to relax him, and give a gentle kiss next to his lips. Then Finn took the man’s firm shoulder and rolled him onto his back as he looked down into his dark eyes. Finn moved closer and kissed him slowly and gently on the lips. The other man sighed and became more relaxed. He moved his thick arms up Finn’s muscled back and pulled Finn closer as he opened his thighs to him.

He smiled and deepened the kiss as he put most of his weight on the man below him while he positioned himself between his legs. Finn bit his companion's bottom lip while pushing his hips down and up over and over in a steady rhythm, and he heard a soft moan beneath him. He responded to Finn by holding him between his legs with his feet pointed and his toes touching Finn's calves. Then he grasped Finn’s shoulders with both hands and threw his head back lost in feelings of ecstasy.

Finn rolled his hips around and down again and gave gentle kisses down his neck. Finn not so gently bit the spot where his neck meets his shoulder and was rewarded with a gasp and shaking thighs that crossed around his hips.

“Please. Please… I need you. I want you to -”

Finn gasped as he shoved his focus back to the present. Finn took an unsteady breath as he tried to push the memory from his mind. Aware that both his master and Rey were staring at him due to the sated look on his face, Finn ignored their gaze and went back to completing his part of the landing sequence. He was leaning forward perhaps a little more than was necessary as he completed his task.

He quickly remembered that before his mind got lost in that memory Rey asked him a question.

Finn had trouble looking Rey in the eye when he responded “My… my former master. Kylo Ren”. Rey’s eyes went wide and she opened her mouth to ask so many questions, but from the serious look Luke gave her she let it go.

Finn completed his part of the landing procedure and placed is hands on his lap, not noticing that Luke was watching him intently. Not noticing, because he was easily distracted as the gentle pressure continued down his spine.


	2. Millennium's Twilight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long gap but I wanted to get something out. I wanted to thank everyone who has read and commented on this fic so far. I was inspired to return to this fic from a comment I recently received from Margywolvs, so thank you so much for the encouragement. This chapter is a bit on the short side, but I wanted to get this scene out of the way so we could get to the fun stuff :)
> 
> As usual this is unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own.

The long descent was an uneasy one. The Millennium Falcon was a reliable ship, but it was still incredibly old. The storm they had to fly threw, on their journey to the moon’s surface, was intense. Luke was reminded of when he first encountered the Falcon, and thought it was a ‘piece of junk’. He hoped now that this junk ship didn’t decide that right now was the time it would retire. The sound of loud groaning could be heard as the pressure from the storm overwhelmed the ships shields. Then a sensor went off, which Rey knew indicated the ships scanners had picked up other ships.

“Keep going”, Luke directed. He knew the First Order was following them. He only wished he had more Jedi to help protect and guide his new apprentices. As powerful as he was with the Force, he knew his nephew wouldn’t stop until he had what he wanted.

Finn put together where that feeling of unease and relief was coming from. As much as he dreaded the idea of facing Kylo again so soon after their last battle, part of him wanted Kylo near all the time.

He remembered the times when Kylo would kiss all over kiss body, and point out all the parts of Finn he thought were beautiful. Those nights were long because Kylo cherished every part of Finn, from his easy smile to his tightly coiled hair. Finn missed the peace he felt when he laid his head on Kylo’s lap. The older man would sing to him then when Finn’s nightmares were particularly bad. It wasn’t common knowledge with the helmet and all, but Kylo’s voice was very soothing.

Finn knew Kylo wouldn’t be singing to him anytime soon if their fight on Starkiller base was any indication. He believed in his heart that fighting back now would be unsuccessful, but he was never one to give up easily. “He’s going to shoot us out of the sky if we don’t do something”, he said urgently.

Rey agreed although she also felt uneasy, “He’s right, Master. The land mass on Lan is vast. We should try to lose them”.

Luke wasn’t sure that trying to evade Kylo was the best thing to do even though it seemed like the obvious answer. “I trust you both, as well as the Force. Let it guide you”.

Immediately a vision showed him standing side by side with Kylo. He quickly shook the images from his head. Putting on a brave face he turned to his friend and grinned, “We’ll do it just like we did on Jakku”.

Rey’s unease didn’t end, but Finn’s smile did lift her spirits. “Alright. Get ready!”

Finn rushed towards the ships gunners as Rey took full command of flying the Falcon. The ship struggled to maneuver through the continued storm as Finn shot down 8 of the 10 TIE fighters. The fighters surprisingly weren’t firing back at them, but they did accomplish their mission of herding them in a certain direction.

Before any sense of victory could be felt, Kylo’s Upsilon-class command shuttle emerged from a purple cloud and fired four shots in quick succession. Due to the stress from the storm, the shields were already weakened so the blasts severely damaged the ship’s hull.

Finn could hear Luke’s voice in his mind ordering him to head to the escape pods. By the time Finn got there Rey and Luke were waiting and they were arguing.

There were only two pods and only one person could barely fit in each one. With there being three people on the ship, someone would have to take their chances staying behind on the Falcon. Rey argued that because of her piloting skills she had the best chance of landing the Falcon safely. Luke, stricken from the distant memories of his fallen students couldn’t bear to lose any more.

Finn, being the practical one used the Force to shove both Rey and Luke into the two pods. Then jettisoned them off before either one could manage to do anything. He could feel both of their dismay and fear through the Force, but he didn’t regret it. As soon as Kylo started to fire he knew that it was important that he stay behind on the ship. He wasn’t sure why, but he decided to trust in the Force as Luke had instructed.

He slowly moved in the direction of the ships cockpit. It was like a walking meditation as he focused on channeling the Force around and through him. Through it, he communicated with the one whose power he was both running from and drawn to.

When he reached the cockpit, he transferred all the remaining power of the shield to focus on the cockpit. He manipulated the controls to slow the ship’s descent and prayed that both Luke and Rey would be safe. The planet’s climate was unstable, but there were caves where they would be protected from the elements. The pods were also equipped with enough food and supplies to survive for about 30 cycles.

The surface of the moon quickly came into view so Finn worked on finalizing his plan. Finn knew most people would head in the direction of his companions’ pods after landing, but he knew that just like Luke he would have to face his fears once again.

The Falcon descended too quickly due to the damage on the ship, and multiple proximity and damage alerts rang out, and he resisted the temptation to attempt a landing. Moving the floor, Finn crossed his legs and closed his eyes. Ignoring the alerts and the violent shaking of the ship, Finn felt a warm glow surround him as his energy merged with another. Together their energies formed a bubble of purple light.

 _You’ll be fine. I got you._ A rich voice whispered in Finn’s ear and he could almost feel the hard chest at his back. Legs spread out on the outside of his own, and strong arms wrapped around his body. It’s been a long time since they’ve done this, but it still came easily to them both. The bond between them allowed the pair to merge their powers whether they were near or far. Kylo’s essence had joined with Finn's on the Falcon, and together, they formed a barrier between him and the rest of the universe.

Finn released a long held sigh and tilted his head back, just moments before the Falcon disintegrated. Much as he did in the past, Finn surrendered himself to his lover, and his fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who subscribed/bookmarked months ago and is still reading this. I hope you enjoyed chapter two!


	3. Crossroads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the destruction of the Millennium Falcon, Finn finds himself at a crossroads. There he meets a wise old man who sees him like no one ever has before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone,
> 
> I know it's been a while but I haven't given up on this fic.
> 
> My fics are now being beta'd so you should def notice an improvement in the writing style. Thank you so much [2livenlove](http://archiveofourown.org/users/2livenlove)  
> for all the helpful feedback and your patience. Definitely check out their fics if you haven't already! 
> 
> Any remaining mistakes are still my own. Enjoy!

Finn laid on his back on the cold ground and sensed that something was off. Opening his eyes he examined his palms, and then the other side of his hands. 

_ Wow. Not even a kriffing scratch. _

It took him a few moments to realize why he felt somewhat unsettled. He stood up and looked himself over. Oddly, he was completely clean. There was not a bit of dust on him.  No debris… nothing. All the sweat that dripped down his back before the Falcon blew up was gone. 

Nearby he could see the flames from the still burning remains of the falcon and there was shrapnel littered everywhere,  but just like his hand it looked… off for some reason. Now that he was really paying attention, nothing around him looked quite right. His first thought was that it was the planet’s atmosphere, but that couldn’t be the cause because it’s organic composition was not far off from most planets. For some reason though everything had a gold tint to it. This was the only time Finn had ever seen the energy field of the force. Usually the force is only felt, but he could actually see it… Finn felt his stomach twist. 

He felt an itch in the back of his head. Not an actual itch, more like a nagging feeling. Turning around he noticed a prone shape on the ground, and everything made a lot more sense. 

A man in torn Jedi robes laid with his back to the ground. There was a bone protruding from the man’s arm, and his leg was bent oddly. Finn sucked in air that apparently he did not need as he saw his own eyes staring blankly at him. The same eyes that once sparkled with many shades of brown now looked dull. Now there was no light behind it… no life. Nothing but emptiness. 

Pooled around head was a sizable amount of blood that surrounded him like a halo. This must have been the injury that took his life.

The Finn that was standing shuddered and felt his heart stop, or rather it felt like it stopped. It wasn’t beating after all.  His hands covered his mouth and he shook his head back and forth in disbelief. 

Finn looked away, and a lone tear fell from his face, a tear that wasn’t even for him. It was for his master Luke, and Rey, and- and Poe. Everyone that cared about him. Finn’s grabbed at his chest and began to feel frantic.

_ I never got to say goodbye. I fucking died, and he’ll always think that I- _

“No”, an unfamiliar voice said resolutely. 

Finn’s head sharply turned in the direction of that voice. There he saw an older Jedi with blue eyes and a thick grey beard. The man’s hands were clasped in front of him, and there was a gentle smile on his face.

“What…  is this?” Finn gestured weakly to the carnage he finally noticed all around him. The Jedi did not provide an answer, he crossed his arms and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, the strange man tilted his head and remarkably he looked even older. Aged from pain and regret. 

“What is this?” Finn cried out again.

The Jedi seemed to contemplate how best to explain this bizarre dimension of time and space. “For starters, this place is my home”, he said calmly. Finn’s brow deepened at this absurd statement. He did not know who the man was, but he  was an elder Jedi and thus would need to treated with respect.

“What do you mean, your home”? 

“Even with your mysterious past, you must know what a home is”, the old man smirked.

“Of course I do”, Finn spat. Elder or not he was not in the mood for games. He just died. Couldn’t the Jedi show some tact. “I am asking you what this place is. First you ignored me, and now you make no sense”.

“That is because your mind is too closed. It cannot  see things from another point of view”.

“Another point of view”?

The Jedi sighed as this conversation felt like one he had so long ago. “Well you see young Jedi, or is it Knight of Ren”? The old man chuckled, “Well I suppose it all depends on the time of day, doesn’t it?”

“You speak like you know me, but I am no longer a Knight of Ren”.

The Jedi leaned closer to Finn, and seemed to look right through him. Finn felt uneasy under the Jedi’s knowing look. In the Order, his armor was like a wall between himself and the others. It hid his fears, the self-doubt, and his shame. With it, he could present the image of the calm and competent soldier. 

Wearing Poe Dameron’s jacket gave him a similar feeling, but under the gaze of this Jedi he felt more naked than the day he was born. Finn resented the fact that it didn’t take long for the thoughts of self-loathing to come to the surface.

“Well, I suppose time will be the judge of that”, the Jedi eventually replied. He gestured for Finn to come closer, and with no better option Finn walked towards the Jedi. 

The Jedi stretched his arm out across Finn’s shoulders and turned him away from his lifeless body. “You see. This realm is the place in between life as it is typically experienced, and death where your spirit merges with the rest of the Force. Since I dwell in this place, it is my home. Do you understand?” Finn nodded in response. That made some sense based on what Luke has told him and Rey during their studies. 

“Good. A few Jedi like myself were able to remain in this”, the man looked around in thought, “In-between place, in order to guide future Jedi until a new order began to flourish”. Sensing that this story may take a while Finn sat crossed legged on the hard ground. 

After Finn was seated, the Jedi continued, “For a time, we believed that it was time to release this form that you see before you, and truly become one with the force, but then, the dark times came again…”

“Because of the Knights of Ren”, Finn finished with a whisper. Finn looked down thinking about his contribution to these new ‘dark times’. He did not like the dark thoughts that threatened to take over with his guilt. He rubbed his palms on the top of his thighs and returned his gaze to the elder. “Luke told Rey and I a few things about this. But I don’t understand why am I here? I thought there had to be a ritual of some kind?”

“Typically yes, but you see when you and your... knight combined your powers it created something similar to the ritual. So like me you are here, but unlike me you have a choice to make”.

_ Isn’t there always? _ Finn rolled his eyes. Even in death there were things to do. Choices to make. 

“What must I do?”

The man chuckled. He looked younger again… less weary.  “Hmm. It’s not a matter of musts or shoulds. As I said, you have a  _ choice _ to make”. “You see Finn, you have the choice to stay here and allow time to pass. With time your spirit will pass on, and become one with the force. You would have peace from all struggles”.

Finn looked up at the blue sky and did not respond. Hoping the Jedi would quickly finish. It was a promising thought, to just fade away into oblivion. No more following a path that was set for him, no more regrets.

“The other choice…,” The Jedi trailed off and looked at a point behind Finn. Finn turned and saw a figure move towards them, or rather towards his body. 

It was Kylo. He was covered in dried blood and walked with a heavy limp. Finn’s heart sank the moment Kylo saw his body. Kylo cried out his name and ran towards him, limp be damned. It was sad to watch, Kylo frantically trying to resuscitate him, but to no avail. Tears fell freely from his eyes. It was the first time Finn had ever seen Kylo cry. Not when Kylo’s flesh burned from Snoke’s punishments. Not when he killed his own father, or when he learned that Finn betrayed him. 

Kylo was always intense in his emotions, but crying is a type of surrender and Finn had never known Kylo to surrender to anything. Finn shuddered as a hand gripped his shoulders. Looking up he saw the Jedi gazing down on him with what only could be described as pity. “The lives you both live have been filled with tragedy. For Kylo it is the curse of his bloodline, and for you it is your love for this cursed man”. 

Finn looked away and mumbled, “I don’t love him”.

The Jedi chuckled and smiled. “Of course you don’t. However, the force has intertwined your fates together. You can be parted for a time, but you will always be drawn to each other”.

Finn didn’t know what to think about that. He decided that it was best to ignore it, as much as he tried to ignore the sound of Kylo’s wailing. “You said there was another choice right”?

“Well yes. The other choice is to return to your body. You have not died, only fell into a coma-like state. If you return to your body you will survive your injuries. However, you would have to  _ live” _ . The way the Jedi said it, it was like he understood the pain that sat heavy in his heart. Like he knew that for Finn, pain would always be nearby.

Finn sat there and thought through this decision. He always did what was best for others, and only a few moments has he ever lived for himself. Even when he did, it was almost always for the betterment of others. Most people would jump at the chance to live a long life, but for Finn he was so tired. He wanted nothing more than to run away from his fate. Was it too much to ask for a simple life. Nothing but peace and quiet. Sometimes even death felt like an option he wanted to consider.

He never shared his doubts or his pain with anyone, and yet this Jedi somehow understood that living would be the far more painful option. It was also the option that was expected of him.

“What is the point of going back… if nothing will change”, he said to the sky above. “What was the point of everything. I can never become a Jedi, not like you, or Luke, or even Rey. I see the path of the light, but I can at best walk parallel, never on it. It was the same with Kylo…”.

The older man’s eyes reflected back a knowing sadness. “Young one, for too long have you lived in the shadow of others. Trying to become what others expect from you. Surrounded by the dark side you tried to suppress your goodness, and with Luke you were ashamed of the evil that crawls beneath your skin. Who are you really? Does anyone know… do you know who you are Finn?”

Finn ignored the questions and tried to meet the other’s gaze with an icy stare. Tried to convey how little he was affected by the Jedi’s words. It was times like this that made him wish he still wore a mask like Kylo.

When he was Kylo’s apprentice, he never asked why Kylo always wore that ugly looking thing. Being a former stormtrooper, it’s purpose was quite clear.  However, Finn hated the feeling of being trapped, so he found other ways to hide himself from others. It did not take long to control how others perceived him, but this man was not easily fooled.

The Jedi’s eyes softened in understanding, and Finn’s hands trembled until he clasped them in front of him. Looking away, Finn released a shaky breath in utter defeat. This man was indeed a true Jedi Master.

It was not the man’s intention to strip Finn to his core, and yet it was vital that he understood the gravity of his decision.  “If you end things now, you will have the peace you so desperately desire, the weight of your destiny will be lifted from you”. 

“How can you call it destiny if I have the choice to escape it?”

“A person’s destiny is not something they are forced to do. It is… it is the grandest version of what their life could be. Their future at its greatest potential. Most fall short of their destiny because they fear failure. Worse yet, are those who desire to control their destiny".

"Why would that be worse?" Finn asked.

"Because they are driven by an even greater fear. Like Kylo, his grandfather, and many before them, their fear led them towards a darker path. Many fail to understand that reaching their potential requires patience and faith".

Finn mulled over the man’s words as he thought about his own destiny. Unable to make a decision, he secretly hoped the Jedi would just tell him what to do.

  
The man coughed, bringing Finn’s attention back to him. “You know, there was a time when I believed I had the power to push another to their... glorious destiny. I did what I thought was best at the time. Sadly, I was rewarded by a plague that nearly engulfed the entire galaxy. So no, I will not tell you what I think you should do. This choice is yours to make”.   
  
“Will the war finally end if I go back?”   
  
“Nothing is certain. However, you will have the opportunity to live a more authentic life. It won't be easy, and yet you have a chance to experience a  joy you have yet to experience. Who knows, perhaps this stubborn one will learn a better life is open to him as well”, he smiled looking at Kylo fondly.

Returning his gaze to Finn his expression became more serious, “Now. The time has come for you to choose”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a lot more Kylo moving forward! If there's anything you want to see in the future plz let me know in the comments or send me a message on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/kyloandfinnren) :)


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